me, myself, and i.

i am seriously my own worst nightmare. i can never seem to be happy. it seems like every other day i feel differently about my life. it really sucks and i know it not only affects me but it also affects those closest to me. i feel like i need constant change but at the same time, change totally freaks me out. i used to HATE being alone, and now it's all i want to do. i am trying so hard to be happy but i am really just uneasy about a lot of things right now. everything actually.

going back and forth between California and Maryland has been really hard on me the last two years and i thought that maybe if i only came to visit every 6 months it would be easier...but it's not. my heart hurts. i feel alone, even though i am surrounded by people that love me. i guess it just feels like something is missing. will i ever be happy? or will i just always need something more?

i guess im just the most difficult person on the planet. and that sucks! how can i be happy with everything else in my life if im not fully happy with myself?