Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Me, myself, and god

This week I have been trying something new in order to make everyday a Sunday. Before I leave for work I pray that god would be a part of my day. It's only been two days but so far I can notice a difference in my days. Sure, I still get totally stressed out when any of the kiddies are upset or if someone says something that upsets me but I am finding it easier to brush off and move on.

My favorite part of my weekdays is my lunch hour. I get to go to my favorite place and sit for a whole hour! It is true bliss. I just eat my lunch, drink iced tea, catch up with old friends and most importantly now...I am remembering to talk to god. If I was a stay at home girl I wouldn't come to this place and have such a great hour. That is something I need to remember and focus on so I can create that Sunday feeling each and everyday.

I believe that god creates appointments for people and I have met a lot of wonderful people on my lunch breaks, people whom are real, genuine, kind people. I look forward to coming here and showing up for those appointments. I also now look forward to journaling..which is usually through blogging because I don't like to write...but now I can do that because I am bringing my iPad along with me to have on my lunch break. :)

I'm sure this is pretty boring for whoever out the is actually reading my blog..so just know this is my way of releasing some stress and writing out my thoughts. I would love to start blogging with pictures, but first things first..I need to write!

I hope you all have a wonderful Tuesday and that god would show you great things and make appointments for you to meet someone new.


Sunday, January 23, 2011

Making EVERYday a Sunday

Sundays seem to be my favorite days. It is the only day (most of the time) when Peter and I both have the day off. I love spending Sundays with him. We usually go to church, find somewhere to walk around and eat, get ready for our weeks and just hang out together.

I always feel good on Sundays, church always boosts my mood and leaves me feeling refreshed and ready for the week. But then, Monday comes ... and that feeling completely disappears. I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach and I feel so down and depressed. It's like this huge let down that the weekend is over and it's back to reality. No more one on one time with Peter, no more not having to do anything at any certain time. It's all, do this..do that..go there..get that..do it all..don't stop..and it's like that for the next 5 days.

I don't know why it is so difficult for me to transition back to work mode after only 2 days...but it has always been this way for me..with school, jobs, vacations...anything really. I hate it, I don't like feeling like this..so sad.
I just want so bad to be okay going back to work, loving the idea of starting my week and seeing those little faces I get to see everyday. But for whatever reason..it isn't that easy for me. I know their is some stuff going on that plays a role in why it is so difficult for me and I am really hoping that those things get better. I am just so tired of not feeling like I am where I am supposed to be. I want to be at home in my job and I am just waiting for that feeling to kick in.

Lord, this week I pray for a sense of peace to overflow inside of me...that even though I may not feel completely at home in my job at this very moment, that I would be able to oversee the difficulties and enjoy my time there each hour and each day. I pray that these sad feelings would flee from inside me and that they would become feelings of happiness and confidence. I ask that I would be stronger and more comfortable in my place of work and not be so affected by other personalities. I need you God, I can't change all of this on my own, I am not strong enough unless I have you with me. Please, Lord, help me to see the beauty in everyday so that I can have that Sunday feeling all the days of the week.

This week I am going to work on remembering God throughout the week. He gives me strength and I can't keep leaving him at the end of every Sunday!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace. This song has been sung so many times at so many different types of events. Weddings, Church, Funerals and I can only imagine where else. But today was different. Amazing Grace was more than just a song being sung at church this morning. It was God literally coming over me and speaking to my heart, letting me know it was going to be okay.

Until today I had not really been feeling too close to God. Actually, very distant would be more like it. I have just been feeling closed of to that part of my life, not feeling his presence, not investing time into His word and learning more about it. Just plane far away. Today I felt God like I was feeling Him for the first time. He was there, He was in that place. He was holding me while I cried, praising Him with one arm straight up in the air. He was sitting next to me, while I was sitting in an aisle alone. Their is something about going to church by yourself that makes it so intimate. No one else was there, I was the only one in the crowd. At least that is what it felt like. This was a good thing...just me and God.

Recently I have been dealing with something that I wish I wasn't, I know we all struggle with insecurities and hardships and when we do, some of us pray to God to forgive us, make us new again..etc etc etc. But that doesn't always seem to help because even if we believe that God forgives us, we don't forgive ourselves. Well, I don't anyways. And then the worst part is that we might go and mess up again, that's the ugly in being human. We don't seem to learn the first time. But this morning, God held me so close and I forgave myself. He let me know it was okay, I will be okay.

His presence was so strong today it was almost unreal. I had chills during each song of worship and during that final song, Amazing Grace..I just lost it. But that was beautiful. I was not afraid to let my feelings show. I was standing there, tears and all worshiping Him. And He was with me the entire time.

Walking out after worship to go help with Sunday School, a man at the end of an aisle stopped me. He touched my arm and asked me if I was okay. I told him yes..ha, like he believed me, I had tears streaming down my face! But that was the truth, I was okay. He followed me out and asked if he could pray for me. A man I don't even know, maybe I met him in passing one time or another, but other than that, a complete stranger. When he prayed for me he called me his sister and I felt safe. The simple embrace of someone's touch and prayer let me know that I was not alone. For that, I thanked him.

It never seizes to amaze me how some people can be so kind, so quick to help, so obedient to God. Lord, help me to be more obedient to you, more willing to reach out to others.

Today showed me how much I have truly missed God. How much I have been pushing Him away and doing my own thing. That isn't me, I want to walk with Him. I am forever grateful that no matter what I do, at the end of the day, He still loves me and thinks I am perfect. He never leaves, so why should I? Today, I was reminded that I have been forgiven, the chains that bind me have been broken. I am free. I am new again, each and everyday. God, I want to be more like you, I want to please you and make you proud.

Amazing Grace.