Friday, July 16, 2010

me, myself, and i.

i am seriously my own worst nightmare. i can never seem to be happy. it seems like every other day i feel differently about my life. it really sucks and i know it not only affects me but it also affects those closest to me. i feel like i need constant change but at the same time, change totally freaks me out. i used to HATE being alone, and now it's all i want to do. i am trying so hard to be happy but i am really just uneasy about a lot of things right now. everything actually.

going back and forth between California and Maryland has been really hard on me the last two years and i thought that maybe if i only came to visit every 6 months it would be easier...but it's not. my heart hurts. i feel alone, even though i am surrounded by people that love me. i guess it just feels like something is missing. will i ever be happy? or will i just always need something more?

i guess im just the most difficult person on the planet. and that sucks! how can i be happy with everything else in my life if im not fully happy with myself?


  1. you sound just like me before I got married and had kids. How old are you? I went through it from 22-27 I would say. I still love change but instead of moving every year I just rearrange my house!

  2. i will be 23 on saturday. i couldn't even count the number of times i rearranged my room as a kid! did this get in the way of your relationships before you got married?